Want... to.... work... at... Microsoft...

Who has Google hired for their internal training video? Unless it's Johnny Depp, Microsoft takes the cake on this one.

POPOZAO!

Weddings, Schmeddings

Two college friends of mine are getting married this weekend, and it's hit me: This is weird. I've been invited to weddings before, don't get me wrong but they've always been because of two things, a) Mormonism and b) pregnancy.

In this case, it's neither - which is weird. What's even weirder is I now have to purchase a responsible, well thought out wedding present from their registry. Should I select for them the Smoothie Blender or the set of muffin tins?

Deep down inside I want to buy them edible underwear or an After the Break Up// Wheel O' Wisdom. But even I know that's in poor taste, but also so funny at the same time.

I really hope I don't cry at the wedding, since I'm the Singleton in the company of all my coupled friends. Really don't want to seen as the odd man out, but lately I've become this giant-uncontrollable-hormonal-mass. If I cry though, that means I'll overdue it at the open bar and have no choice but to sleep on the front steps of the reception hall til I sober up, or in my car.

I should bring a blanket.

People who use AOL have problems

A couple days ago AOL accidently released the search records for about a half million users, their mea culpa was: it was all an accident, and they eventually took down the records. But thanks to the good ol' internet, someone mirrored it and it's all - rightfully, where it belongs- online for everyone to look at and judge.

The Consumerist found a user, aptly named 927 and have deemed him/ her one of the most fucked up users, case in point- in March, such were the queries:

clydesdales 2006-03-01 20:01:17
budweiser clydesdales 2006-03-01 20:01:47
fall out boy - sugar we're going down swinging 2006-03-01
http://www.plyrics.com
dirty little secret 2006-03-01 20:48:00 2
http://www.dirtylittlesecret.biz
dirty little secret 2006-03-01 20:48:00 3
http://www.allamericanrejects.com
lyrics dirty little secret 2006-03-01 20:50:47 1
http://www.dapslyrics.com
green day - on holiday 2006-03-01 20:53:15 1
http://www.azlyrics.com
heal time for broken legs 2006-03-01 21:13:14 1
http://www.doctorsecrets.com

Innocently enough, I mean how many of use that found ourselves humming along to the All American Rejects asking ourselves: just what are they saying?

He/ Her (shim?), continues to look for results on human mold, pink and white camilias, various types of other flowers, mange... then BAM!

forced rape porn 2006-03-04 16:56:38
forced rape porn 2006-03-04 16:56:50 2 http://webstc.com
forced rape porn 2006-03-04 16:56:50
forced rape porn 2006-03-04 16:57:31 4 http://freewebs.com
forced rape porn 2006-03-04 16:58:59

It only gets better and creepier:

four month ultrasound of a girl 2006-03-10 18:34:14 7
http://www.enfamil.com
genital names 2006-03-13 22:45:25 5
http://parents.berkeley.edu
steven cojocaru 2006-03-17 00:43:54 1
http://insider.tv.yahoo.com
baby names 2006-05-12 13:28:13 3
http://www.babynamesworld.com
hentai child rape 2006-05-12 14:20:01 10
http://www.sycamorepumpkinpatch.com
marthastewart.com 2006-05-12 12:51:04 1
http://www.marthastewart.com
harry potter nimbus 2000 broom 2006-05-04 23:13:40 1
http://www.amazon.com

One of the best parts about this user, is the diversity: one moment it's baby names the next it's kiddie rape porn. This is a soon- to- be parent who's interested in window dressings, cupcakes, Steven Cojocaru, Harry Potter, and Holcaust Rape.

I also really like the websites that AOL returned for these searches, "Sycamore Pumpkin Patch" for Hentai child rape? I almost want to Google that, but I don't think I'm up for what I might see, espiecially at 1 a.m. And I never knew that Freewebs was the place to go to for Forced Rape Porn, but you learn something neweveryday.

Here's the site where some guy is hosting all the records. Enjoy!

Cleaning Machine!

Today-- armed with a toothbrush and a bottle of Dr. Bronner's Almond Soap-- I went clean crazy. I cleaned everything I could get my hands on, I even cleaned my electric toothbrush.

It was awesome. I highly recommend it.




You're amazing toothbrush head.

PS: Stewardess is the only word on the keyboard that you can type just with your left hand. Cool beans!

BUY FOR ME PT. II

It's a booby shampoo dispenser, about $26 dollars and I want it!

PS: I really like how the guy is feeling it with his eyes closed, probably because he doesn't want shampoo in his eyes, but I think it's so he doesn't get weirded out by the boobs on his shower wall that dispense cleanser from its nipples.

Most Amazing Pictures of the Week

Victoria Silvstedt's creepy O Face.



A girl who belts her boobs.

Both pictures are uncomfortable to look at, and yet I can't look away -- like a moth to a flame, I am to these pictures.

BUY FOR ME

It's a 24k gold plated Delorean. I know it's ugly as all hell, but it was in Back to the Future, and my inner Michael J. Fox lover in me demands that I have it!

That and the sex toy that's shaped like a cone --it's all I want for Christmas.

What the hell?!?

Why is Angela still in the show?! This outfit sucks, it looks like something a little girl wears, albeit one that lives in a trailer park, loves the Pussycat Dolls, and whose mom thinks it's ok to dress "sexy."

How she is still on and Malan is doing morning shows lamenting about his mom and his failed design is beyond me. However, I do think she is going to make it to the top 3, just like Wendy Pepper -- just to spite everyone.

I can't wait for next week, who's going to get kicked off? I think it's Keith, but it better not be Robert, Michael, or Kayne. Or else, I am going to cry.

Look at Pharrrel's 18k Blackberry!:


Let's hear it for conspicuous consumption!

LOL! We're Country!

Looks like Britney Spears might be having another rough pregnancy.

The “Oops!... I Did It Again” crooner went into false labor on July 15, according to In Touch Weekly, and now has her doctor on speed dial. “She's fine now,” a “family insider” told the mag. “Britney started cramping. She had a real scare.” Spears also had a few health scares during her first pregnancy.

Spears, who is seven months pregnant, learned that she needs to cut down on the Cheetos. “After indulging in junk food during her first two trimesters, she hired a nutritionist to help her follow a well-balanced diet, a “pal” told ITW. “She wasn't eating enough vegetables.” Spears’ doc also told her that she may have to spend the last month of her pregnancy on bed rest, but, says the friend, “Britney is determined to enjoy the rest of her pregnancy and stay healthy after she gives birth.”

Seriously?! I think the new Britney Spears just might be my favorite incarnation ever, second only to Firecrotch-coke-fiene- herself: Lindsay Lohan. But who eats so many Cheetos during their second pregnancy that they (1) go into false labor (2) need to go on bed rest (3) didn't learn from the first pregnancy, that Cheetos do not a healthy baby make.

But still, I do feel bad for her - it's not like K-Fed is doing anything to help. Although, I am super excited to see him on the Teen Choice Awards. POPOZAO!!!

Who wants to throw a White Trash party with me in honor of that momentous occasion?